November 2011
5 posts
The only time you should be rapping is Christmas time.
- Editor to reporter
“Just to let you know, you can also follow us on Facebook too at...”
“So, the story is you nearly got a parking ticket but you didn’t?”
– Reporter on phone.
“I’m a slut and I will open my pages to anything.”
– Editor
“It looks like I’m giving birth to a disco ball.”
– Model objects to photographer’s fancy lighting at fashion shoot.
June 2010
11 posts
“Listening to last night’s show made me jealous of Stevie Wonder. Oh shit,...”
– Producer, not putting brain before mouth
“I wish I was dead.”
– Reporter to photographer at awards event.
“Ride it, girl, ride it.”
– Editor inappropriately tells female reporter as he puts a cowboy hat on her head in response to her discussing her penchant for Mediterranean men.
“I’m not going to invite you to sit on my axe.”
– Editor to reporter
“I understand people have gaps in their knowledge - but he’s got nothing...”
– Reporter
“It’s advertising, so it’s going to be lies anyway.”
– Reporter
“If he is a depressed alcoholic, he should have better things to spend his money...”
– Talking about eccentric fundrasier who is standing at the parliamentary eletions.
“What did he do? Shag the mayor’s cat?”
– Editor finds out about a councillor’s 12-month suspension
“If he was that good he’d be in the proper Olympics.”
– Senior reporter is not impressed by a multi gold-winning paralympian
“For God’s sake , we’re never going to increase circulation unless we...”
– Reporter
“Is the crazy fucker dead? Yes? Good, that’s made avoiding defamation...”
– Reporter talking about ‘Cumbria Massacre’ shooter
May 2010
3 posts
“He’s sucking that sweet as if it was a camel’s arse. Getting right...”
– Reporter on Editor
“Sorry, but that’s never going to make it onto a page. Look at the size of...”
– Picture editor
“All dead people are angels.”
– Editor
April 2010
13 posts
“Our circulation is plummeting like an aeroplane flying through a volcanic ash...”
– Overheard
“Think about it, we’ve lived through a Conservative government and...”
– Reporter’s intellectual take on politics.
“So do you get raped in the egg, or on the egg.”
– Reporter to snapper. (The Egg being a local field)
“I had to shit standing up.”
– Recovering editor proudly talks about his struggle with a bad back
“Most of these people deserve to be sealed in a barrel and rolled into the ocean....”
– Reporter on crazy caller
“I’ve got prostitution in my blood.”
– Reporter talks about his family history
“I wouldn’t want to wear something I had shat in.”
– Reporter
“I think I’m going to remove all people from my facebook who have recently...”
– Reporter
“I’m a professional knob head.”
– Editor
“Have you had your daily dose of coke today?”
– Picture editor to news editor
“I stood on one of them this morning and wondered what the hell it was.”
– Photographer doesn’t think much of new newspaper supplement aimed at driving sales.
“I’m going to hunt you down and I’m going to make you pay!”
– Reporter overheard on the phone. By the entire newsroom.
“The worky is really painfully quiet”
– Reporter
March 2010
17 posts
“It might make something for the front, it depends how funny his leg is.”
– Picture editor
“That’ll do for a spread. We’ll just give the readers a load of old...”
– News editor
“It’s probably best you don’t answer the phone because 99 percent of...”
– Advice to a new recruit
“I wish a elephant would come and eat a man.”
– Editor on a slow news day
“Can you tell me why we should be doing a story about her now? Has she done...”
– Chief reporter on the phone.
“If he’s done that I’ll eat my own arse with a spoon.”
– Reporter
“So you’ve split up with your girlfriend and you’ve baked her a cake....”
– News editor on the phone
“I’m so glad I was brought up with no morals.”
– Reporter
“I don’t like testicles, I mean animal testicles.”
– Reporter during farming reports discussion
“We were taught that if James Bond was a real-life person he would have Aids.”
– Reporter recalls sex education at a Catholic school.
“She’s probably just ugly and has to take it out on the world.”
– Reporter disses district columnist
“God is omnipresent and omnipotent, he’s everywhere and all-powerful. Like...”
– Reporter
“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have to lick so many arses.”
– One reporter to another.
“My familiarity level with you all was quite right - but I think it’s gone...”
– Reporter after office discussion about horse porn.
“Reporter 1: “How old is he?”
Reporter 2: “He’s got to...”
– Reporters discuss a picture that a dad has sent in of his son’s bum showing a scar following an operation.
“I’m pretty sure I can’t shit out of my nose.”
– Reporter
“I’ve got a friend who lives in Birmingham, but he once sexually assaulted...”
– Reporter
February 2010
6 posts
“Congratulations, you’re on nutter watch - can you go to reception and talk...”
– News editor to reporter